A negative of Dorian Gray

[Keith]

I am a really huge fan of the portrait of Dorian Gray, its a story about agelessness in despair. I actually like the first three lines, it was a sort of abstract way to introduce the endless trek through time that the character goes through. I did find the gear shifts in the second and third stanzas to be a bit odd. but it was tolerable. I think there is alot more you could do with it if you chose to explore the idea farther

Thank you RyanR13, having read your comments I have made some changes to try and take it through the gears a bit slower much appreciated. Keith