A Dark Mind

[tectak]

A little boy, a little girl
Run up a hill, and to a stream
To fill their cups with the stuff of dreams
The chaos sifts through torrent streams
A mind of lies and broken dreamsNo. Better to leave this rhyming thing alone. If stream, dream, streams, dreams is the best you can come up with, no wonder you get depressed

Wasn't going to say anything until this. There's this thing called alliteration; you might've learned about it in grade 10. All your other critiques are facetious at best. Also I don't know if you're familiar with a homonym but that is used here as well.

And it is more than one poem every ellipsis marks a new beginning, but the overall theme comes from the same place and it was written in chronological order.

There's a story here if you're skilled enough to see it. I'll give you a hint the muse is a girl, the voice is depression.

Nope...I don't see it. This deep stuff is way beyond my skill level. A homonym you say, and what was it, alliteration. Sheesh, something new every day. Oh yes. I see it now. Dreams...that's a homonym for, er, dreams. Alliteration? Yes. I'll look out for that, too,too,too,too.
Seriously, toughen up. Just note the smilies. Believe, me, when I'm not being facetious I get really irritating...critting does that to you.

Once a new member has 5 pieces of reasonable feedback (outside of the Newly Registered Forum) under their belt they'll be able to start threads willy nilly all over the place. Give a piece of feedback elsewhere before posting a post poem here. Forum rules
Best,
tectak