Spooktacular Sky

[Graystar]

Spooktacular Sky
by Graystar
October 28, 2013

Upon a witch's night,
many long years ago,
I ventured alone into
the cold moon lit dark
seeking kindred spirits.

It was ghastly quiet
and my hooded cape
clung to me as I tread
with oh so silent footfalls
on snow packed streets.

My Goddess full moon
guarded me sternly
with her watchful eye.
Her beauty blessed me
with welcomed comfort.

When suddenly I beheld
above me in the sky
colors of such glory
they took my breath away.
Aurora borealis spooktacular!

All thoughts of rituals,
cauldrons and dances
swiftly slipped my mind
with such a beautiful gift.
I stopped transfixed, bewitched.

No finer night I ever received.
No glory was ever so bright.
No joy alone in the dark
matches that night for me.
A treasure I hold soul deep.

All hail! Spooktacular Sky!

[Volaticus]

Spooktacular Sky
by Graystar
October 28, 2013

Upon a witch's night,
many long years ago, I wonder if 'long' is needed.
I ventured alone into
the cold moon lit dark This line is almost only adjectives, which weakens it for me.
seeking kindred spirits.

It was ghastly quiet
and my hooded cape
clung to me as I tread
with oh so silent footfalls Without the 'oh so', I like this line and the next.
on snow packed streets.

My Goddess full moon
guarded me sternly
with her watchful eye.
Her beauty blessed me
with welcomed comfort.

When suddenly I beheld This line and the next sounds awkward to me.
above me in the sky
colors of such glory
they took my breath away.
Aurora borealis spooktacular! I'm not liking the 'spooktacular' too much. I think I get why you used it, with the theme and all, but it seemed too silly a word to use when writing about the glory of the aurora borealis.

All thoughts of rituals,
cauldrons and dances
swiftly slipped my mind
with such a beautiful gift.
I stopped transfixed, bewitched.

No finer night I ever received.
No glory was ever so bright.
No joy alone in the dark
matches that night for me.
A treasure I hold soul deep.

All hail! Spooktacular Sky! Maybe remove this line. It doesn't add much.

Hi Graystar,
This poem tells a lot of things instead of using the potential within the theme to show them with images.
There are some cliches going on too, parts that I feel could be said with a little more originality. Most of the third stanza, for example.
Just a few thoughts and JMHO that you can disregard or consider as you see fit.
Thanks for the read.
Best,
LB

[Graystar]

Hi LB,
Thank you for the critique! I will confess to being a bit silly and playful at the oddest times. I'm thinking of some revisions thanks to your comments.
Blessings,
Gray