10-18-2013, 09:13 AM
(06-12-2013, 04:07 PM)R.C. KITCHENS Wrote: Round wooden barrel with a fifth of rain water, still. You could lose round and wooden, and we'll still have the same image.Some imagery details were not needed. The story isn't bad, but could be strengthened.
Gravel litters the space below, Not a bit of grass has grown. Why is "Not" capitalized when it only followed a comma?
To the left, pine it must be, a home built with time Trying to rhyme pine and time, not bad, but the grammar doesn't help it flow very well.
Oaks and fellow maples cast a shadow around the small abode.
The birds fly through the sky singing a melody quite known, Where else would they fly? That's an unnecessary detail. And I think you were trying to rhyme abode and unknown, didn't work very well.
Heat is compounding over surfaces as if seen by the eye.
It must be ninety, very well could be the day the ground is
broken only if the wind will blow. Interesting and rather confusing ending.
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
Because none of that will matter when death visits