10-17-2013, 07:45 PM
Hi Dale,
I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh.
The theme of mythology is always fair game for poetry, but in playing so lightly upon the myth, in this case, neither its tragic subject matter nor its moral are done justice. Given your exegesis, and the heaviness of the subject matter, I want something that makes me feel Dido's pain. Beyond that, I'd like to see something that demonstrates that there is some real beauty and worth in the (telling of) the story as well. As much as romantic love is an impossibility, to mock it from afar smacks of an autoerotic sort of cleverness. The speaker's aloof observations thus seem to me unsympathetic to the point of being inhumane. Even so, I could see the poem developing into something gripping. For that, you would have to show some more love and respect for the myth, and flesh the poem out with some gritty images. It would also appeal to a much broader audience if you offered some narrative from the myth itself, as much as serve to educate. That most people are woefully ignorant about classical mythology isn't your problem, but to make the same both relevant, appealing and accessible is the true challenge, I think, of a poem like this.
I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh.
The theme of mythology is always fair game for poetry, but in playing so lightly upon the myth, in this case, neither its tragic subject matter nor its moral are done justice. Given your exegesis, and the heaviness of the subject matter, I want something that makes me feel Dido's pain. Beyond that, I'd like to see something that demonstrates that there is some real beauty and worth in the (telling of) the story as well. As much as romantic love is an impossibility, to mock it from afar smacks of an autoerotic sort of cleverness. The speaker's aloof observations thus seem to me unsympathetic to the point of being inhumane. Even so, I could see the poem developing into something gripping. For that, you would have to show some more love and respect for the myth, and flesh the poem out with some gritty images. It would also appeal to a much broader audience if you offered some narrative from the myth itself, as much as serve to educate. That most people are woefully ignorant about classical mythology isn't your problem, but to make the same both relevant, appealing and accessible is the true challenge, I think, of a poem like this.