10-17-2013, 01:16 AM
The Same Dilemma
The opening lines are
your empty house sits
snuggled in its same footprint
I am using the word same as unchanged, but judging by the consistent objections by readers this is not coming across.
I am reluctant to change this too much, I thinks it's important to the poem and I love it. I am also committed to retaining the 5,7,5,7,7 format, I think something would be lost if I abandoned it.
The only thing I can come up with is
your empty house sits
snuggled in its set footprint
Any opinion on whether or not this is just confusing in another way?
The opening lines are
your empty house sits
snuggled in its same footprint
I am using the word same as unchanged, but judging by the consistent objections by readers this is not coming across.
I am reluctant to change this too much, I thinks it's important to the poem and I love it. I am also committed to retaining the 5,7,5,7,7 format, I think something would be lost if I abandoned it.
The only thing I can come up with is
your empty house sits
snuggled in its set footprint
Any opinion on whether or not this is just confusing in another way?
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips