Venus

[Erthona]

"I like mythology references in poetry. I am uncertain of your personal thesis, but the mocking and hateful nature of Venus is clear. Venus is certainly sociopathic, but was Dido insane or just swept up in a fit of passion and the grief of loneliness? On the other hand, she did marry her Uncle previously. Who can figure these Greek/Roman cast of characters?"

Chris, in the Aeneid Venus (Aeneas' mother) forces Dido to fall in love with Aeneas so she will render aid to the "rag-ag" Trojan fleet, that has just been beat up on the high seas at the instigation of Juno. So Dido through no fault of her own, is infected by Venus. When Aeneas eventually leaves, as he must, Dido kills herself because of a broken heart. In my mind at least, Venus through her interference kills Dido in the name of love. So the simple thesis is that Love is not so loving.

Thanks for the comments Chris
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Jdvan,

"This line feels a bit unwieldy to me: it feels a bit too square, metrically. "Unable" instead of "not being able" already helps I think."

That's a good suggestion, think I'll use that. Can't believe I didn't already see it. Thanks.
"Love with a capital letter is a bit too didactic for me." I think for some if I don't cap the L, so that they understand I am referring to Venus it will be missed, and this is a fairly important point.

""Mortal frame" sounds clichéd." Probably so, but I was going for kind of a stabbing feel with pain-frame -insane, but I'll consider.

"Bisection suddenly sounds very "medical" and clashes with the tone of the rest of your poem; on purpose probably"

Yes it was. I was not just a bisection of living to dead, but also in terms of Dido's personality that was altered by Venus. The only other word I could come up with was cleave, which to me is even worse, although I love the double meaning.

Thanks for the suggestions, some good comments here.
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jringo,

The object of Dido affliction (play on words, as it is both affection and affliction) Aeneas is in fact fleeing from her. There is also this little drama which involves Aeneas' mother Venus.

Bisection and "forced" have both been pointed out. SO the preponderance of thumbs down on that has me seriously reconsidering their use.

"Perhaps consider putter this into complete iambic pentameter?"

I had considered that, but I don't want the poem stylistically pretty as it would seem I am honoring Venus by doing so. Now, I'm not saying it is a good idea, but I am willing to take a chance. My thought at the moment is, is to regularize it would put it at odds with the intent of the poem.

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them.
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"it's just to be a smart ass."

Well, yeah, mostly but it is also to make a point.

"I know I'm mostly complaining, but you are good at that, too!"

Yes I am, it is one of my better qualities

Thanks SG (people are going to think I am calling you super girl...if they only knew!!!!)

Dale