Living the Mid-Western Dream

[ChristopherSea]

I know you've already be working on this but I thought I'd drop in and give you a few of my thoughts.

(hope you don't mind that I'm late to the party)

An unemployment office closes early;
the Motor City files for bankruptcy.

It’s sultry and the air is heady
with scents of heather, garbage
and sporadic wafts of local weed.
Pigeons and Turkey Vultures
shrug off cadaverine dreams
to loop the day’s chemtrails.

A glowing Marlboro
bounces on the torrid asphalt.
A rust-infected Mustang charges a teen mother clad in seasonal
cut-offs, tank-top and flip-flops,
breastfeeding her infant
on a paint-blistered bench.

The anxious mother hastens home
past throngs of skinned knees
and dirty ears, up a gravel drive
where the Ford hisses and spits
and trailers reflect midday sun
into her tired squint.

Sure enough, he was home,
but his lunch was not ready…

…her willowy arms, mottled purple,
labor with the torn screen door.
Daylight retreats, snuffing out
this inveterate scene
and the forecast of weather
being any different tomorrow.



Overall, it's very strong and nearly perfected, just my 2 cents on suggestions. You know how much 2 cents is worth these days.

mel.

Thanks so much Melanie for reading this and making some good points. That's at least $2 worth! I like the sultry air change. Yes, that is the boyfriend almost running her down as he heads home from the unemployment office. I think you are right about the elipsises. I intended using them for time lapse between her getting home and her beating, which is valid usage, but I can do without. Thank you, I'll have your credited edit up soon. Always grateful for your insights!/Chris