10-06-2013, 03:21 PM
Venturing out of critiquing in just novice, so bear with me, because even in that forum I lack credibility. The first two stanzas list characteristics and adjectives. That's more telling instead of showing. The rest of the poem also tells the story instead of showing, I think you can describe just a little bit more in each stanza and it will go a long way. The story itself was something I enjoyed. The take home message at the end was perfect. I often find myself regretting things I didn't do rather than the things I did, you never know till you try right? So go for those things! It's much better saying to yourself well now I know, instead of losing sleep over what could of been. Wait, I may have misread that part after halfway, yeah, I think so haha. Well I got the real message now, but I think my critique still applies, just not as much haha.