Equus Resurrection

[ChristopherSea]

Hi Chris,

My initial thought upon reading this through a few times is that you cut S1 and S2 and begin in S3. When I read this aloud the pacing sort of meandered until I hit S3, and then it felt like a sprint. This is not to say that the first two strophes are badly written. They have some nice elements. It's more that it feels like you got to what you wanted to say in S3. Let you give you some further comments starting from that point.

Unwelcome reflection
reined in my thoughts,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
shunning contaminating spores.
Nipping fronds halted my egress
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
spurring schooldays of frivol and reverie;
that lengthy kiss that roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,
rousing zephyrs of lavender and hay infusions,
constitutives of some hexing attar.

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette--This is beautiful phrasing. I also like that you introduced sibilance, it gives another indication that she was a temptation to the speaker. As first lines go, can you see why this would be a much better choice than "Unwelcome Reflection" for drawing the reader in?
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred.--I realize that I'm encouraging you to cut away some of the context which would show a previous relationship, I don't think it will be a problem but if you needed to reinsert the last two lines from S1 somewhere I'd understand though I'm not sure it's necessary. Atop her chosen thoroughbred lets just say is a nice way to suggest that she's sexually aggressive, and the speaker who thought their relationship was unique has just observed something he wished he hadn't.
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,--She took charge, little bit of a fetish flavor to it already, even before the next line
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,--She treated it like capturing ribbons, making conquests. It's nice to see you play against stereotype
deriding my pedestrian sphere.--the language feels a bit out of place with what's around it. Maybe show deriding in a horse way Perhaps: Snorting at my pedestrian ways. I'm not sure that's much better it's the first and last words that give me trouble. I take this to mostly mean the speaker now conquered, and not exciting sexually (either through conquest or by being more conventional) was now being put aside.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.--that's funny and for me doesn't detract

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,--Great choice on the measurement and the dual use of bareback. 5'6 then in heels. This also sets the age by being prom night.
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’--I assume Vassar
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?--I found this part to be a fun read throughout.

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found their rasping siliceous fingers
comforting as I sat among them--I wonder if you could cut this storphe

and understood what it is like

to be a living fossil.

Enjoyed the read Chris. Hope the comments will be helpful as you consider the piece.

Best,

Todd

Todd, I am much obliged for your time and detailed consideration on this poem. Especially for doing the math and getting her height calculation correct, Ha ha... Good observations and suggestions! Yes, it is true, it was my first serious realtionship and a long time ago. Moreover and most assuredly, I did suffer from horse envy. I suppose that is why there is a bit of background in those first two stanzas.

I wanted to begin and end with the horsetails (equisetum), the central metaphor herein. Most important, is the fact that she 'chose me', which contrasts, or perhaps more appropriately, falls in line with being discarded later on. Nonetheless, I will consider doing something with the first two stanzas. Maybe condensing them and moving them. I will see. Let me know if these facts and set-up cues might change the idea of just deleting them for you.

'Deriding my pedestrian sphere' was supposed to be a play on 'riding equestrian fields'. Maybe change the sphere to trail?

By strophe, if you meant the entire last stanza and not that line, than there is no poem herein for me. I hope the final stanzas worked for you, in their indication of how out of place the breakup made me feel and the sense of abandonment as it is equated to being the last of some ancient species, as are horsetails. Unless you think that the penultimate stanza implies all of that alone.

Your eye and insight is always appreciated Todd, thanks again!/Chris