Sharon Frost

[Nick]

Pale, smooth, unblemished skin
Thin, straight nose line
Smiling, cupids bow lips

Hair so blonde it was almost white
Blue eyes, not piercing, happy, kind. Use a period after the word piercing.

She invited me to her house. Comma after house.

There was a problem with the
cupboard hinge

'Could I fix it?'

I didn't know how

Told her and her mother
'I was sorry'

Went home,
never went back

Always felt
I left something there
Intangible, irretrievable


We were 14 that year


Now, 60 days from 56th birthday,
it seems it happened
last week


Always act from the heart, pardner


What you do
never
leaves you

Nice poem, I would like to see more of your emotion coming out. There seems to be a lot of listing in your poem, you need to show the reader, take them on a journey of imagery.

Thanks for your comments.

---

Pale, smooth, unblemished skin
Thin, straight nose line
Smiling, cupids bow lips


Hair so blonde it was almost white
Blue eyes, not piercing, happy, kind

The start to the poem is, as other's have said very "listy". It's five lines of imagery all on the same thing, with nothing really connecting it, and no introduction to the story yet.

She invited me to her house

There was a problem with the
cupboard hinge

'Could I fix it?'

I didn't know how

Told her and her mother
'I was sorry'

Went home,
never went back

Always felt
I left something there
Intangible, irretrievable


We were 14 that year


Now, 60 days from 56th birthday,
it seems it happened
last week


Always act from the heart, pardner


What you do
never
leaves you

The rest of the poem is very mundane, which is probably what you were going for to sort of emphasise the passage of time. I think that mundane quality in a way takes a little bit away from the emotional power of the poem. This is just my opinion of course. All in all, it's not a bad poem and definitely worth an edit if you so desire.

It appears you have quoted the entire poem and commented "The rest of the poem".

Thus I am uncertain of your meaning.

However, thanks for giving it a read.

Oh, perhaps you intend "The poem is very mundane" in your opening line. If so then now I get your comment. And thanks again.

---

Pale, smooth, unblemished skin
Thin, straight nose line
Smiling, cupids bow lips "Cupid's"

Hair so blonde it was almost white Good descriptor.
Blue eyes, not piercing, happy, kind

She invited me to her house

There was a problem with the
cupboard hinge

'Could I fix it?'

I didn't know how

Told her and her mother
'I was sorry'

Went home,
never went back

Always felt
I left something there
Intangible, irretrievable


We were 14 that year


Now, 60 days from 56th birthday,
it seems it happened
last week


Always act from the heart, pardner


What you do
never
leaves you

Due to the poem's loose structure I'd recommend replacing every comma with a line break; it will flow better this way, because unless your poem has longer lines and more consistent pauses punctuation just slows it down to a list of bullet points. IMHO, anyway.
I like the seeming innocuousness of this poem; it's so spare and about such a trivial incident that you think, at first, that it's about nothing, but then its insight dawns. That's quite a clever way to write a piece. Thank you for the read

Okay.
I reshaped it with your suggestions.
Gonna let it set like that and give it another look later.
Thanks for your input.