10-01-2013, 12:03 PM
This is a nice little story. I read it more like a story than a poem. "Father loved breathing the attic" was my favorite line. I would have liked more on that. I wonder what it smelled like to him (you).
Also, I'm sorry... Though I might look grown up, when I read the word "peckers" by itself... I don't picture birds, and I giggle like a pre-teen.
"No avian shits round those parts no more".. is this something grandfather would say? If so, it would make better sense to me if it had quotations. If this isn't grandfather's quote, then I don't like "no more". I took on a different voice when reading it.
Also, I'm sorry... Though I might look grown up, when I read the word "peckers" by itself... I don't picture birds, and I giggle like a pre-teen.
"No avian shits round those parts no more".. is this something grandfather would say? If so, it would make better sense to me if it had quotations. If this isn't grandfather's quote, then I don't like "no more". I took on a different voice when reading it.