Sadness

[tectak]

It's another evening, turning into night,
and through my window, I search to find,
a glimpse of you, coming back to me,
but after all my wrongs, It’s what I wish to see.

I think of all the moments with you in past,
so happily passing by. But what I never saw,
it was too perfect, forever to last,
and me avoiding love, for you, the last straw.

I didn't see, how much you meant to me,
and everything was over and you gone,
no bridge was left unburned for me to pass,
no place was left, where US would be.

The only thing left in me is pain,
burning in my heart and through my veins,
great hole in my soul, slowly healing,
and all the memories of you, driving me insane.

Night comes again and darkness falls,
It’s time to move forward, present calls,
memory lane is closed and life goes on,
it will all be better, In morning sun.

Bright light playing on window glass,
causing warmth through my heart,
it feels easier as more days pass,
there are new beginnings, a fresh start.

Hi mortal,
Yep...it is just one big cliche. Your language limitations steer you towards old familiar expressions with unnerving accuracy. Don't despair, forget song lyrics, write a poem. Use your own words to speak to the reader in whatever way you feel expresses the essence of your thinking. Song lyrics are inherently cliched. Moon, June, spoon, croon.
Just look at one line:
"Night comes and darkness falls" Holy shit...you are kidding me! Now that explains everything....sheesh, such perception. Taking the piss is easy but that is not what I am trying to do. Try:
"Shades drop and shadows blind the day"...or something.Anything but night comes and darkness falls
No to this. It needs much work. I struggle to find a central metaphor to hold it together but that is because you had no idea where this was going.
Do it again...your way, not Sinatras
Best,
tectak