Brunch (For fun)

[milo]

Milo,
Thank you for your reply. I am not "familiar" or overly comfortable with meter, although we have been introduced.
I was going for a loose rythm, rather than a strict meter..admittedly because it was easier considering the rhyme constriction.
Some great poets have made it work (rhyme without meter) .. Sylvia Plath's Daddy has a changing meter. Please don't think I would ever compare myself. I'm not. And if it doesn't work, well it doesn't work.
Would you suggest step-one in the clean up process be breaking the poem apart and adopting a meter?

You make some interesting points and I would love to discuss them but not in a poem thread in the serious critique section. Let's just accept that this poem will need meter for now and we can work out the why's later.

So, pick a meter (I would suggest iambic tetrameter in this case as it will showcase the lightness of the verse without making it "flip" but the choice is yours. After that, I can diagram it for you, if you would like, or even pad to perfect meter for you allowing you to just sub out the padding for similar words.

(A note: changing meter is not the same as no meter, I have quite a few changing meter poems on this board myself)