Brunch (For fun)

[Todd]

Hi Jennifer,

Some comments on the edit:

This was a fun read. My overall comment would be that I'd like more descriptions like "your whiskey mouth". I realize the speaker directs us at a specific person, but it would help if we could see more subtle characteristics blended into the various body part entrees. It would make it more personal and specific. That probably adds to the degree of difficulty, but if you could pull it off it would be worth it.

Edit:
I could devour your delicious skin
If cannibalism was not a sin.--It probably is just a preference, but I think I'd like these first two lines inverted. It could work either way, of course, but for me it seems to build better reversed.
Rich scents are tickling my nose,--feels like you want an "at" before nose here.
Tongue dipping in between your toes.
Teeth scraping up behind your knee,
I would eat you with an English tea.--rhythm feels a bit off on this line. You could cut the "I", and possibly change would to could. I like the speaker speculating on options more. It feels more whimsical for some reason.
Your fingertips are sweet corn bread,
Clouding reason in my head.
Your whiskey mouth has made me weak.--I really enjoyed these last three lines especially whiskey mouth for its appropriateness and its effect on the speaker
I nibble softly on your cheek.
I know I can't resist your ear.--maybe that instead of your
Thank God your tasty shoulder's near.--an example I think where the couplets keep the mood light and fun. The form enhances the poem.
I don't draw blood but I want to
Greedily ingest all parts of you.--This feels like the weakest couple. The to/you rhyme feels less interesting. Greedily is an adverb that doesn't show much. I'm not saying this is better but maybe, "I don't draw blood but in my need/Upon your parts I wish to feed." Again, who knows just trying to show you something to open up the dialogue away from to/you
I suppose that I should also add--cut the that
That killing you would make me sad.--love that sentiment
The problem that I have, you see,
Is wanting all of you in me.--wonderful double meaning. I thought the ending was excellent.

I hope some of the comments will be helpful.

Best,

Todd