Days to Years

[billy]

you have some decent parts in the poem and some not so decent parts that kinda brings the poem down too much. i'm sure the minute hour day months lines could be better revamped. as well as the weak opening line.
it's definitely worth an edit or two

thanks for the read.

Some people weak first line, this should be one if not thee strongest line in the poem
Never find the right kind of love
you know, the kind that steals
your breath away.
Like diving into a snowmelt.
The kind that jolts your heart,
sets it beating apace.
An anxious hiccuping of hummingbirds wings. i like the wing beat's use in slowing down time (hummingbird's)
The kind that makes every terrible minute apart feel like hours.
Days.
Years.these two lines feel weak
Some people flit from one insane possibility to the next.
Never experincing the connection of two people. experiencing
rocked by destiny. by what destiny, is this line needed? it's sort of messes up the strength of the line above and below, it's also redundant
Never knowing what it means to love someone else, [or what it....]
more than themselves. cliche
More than life itself, or the promise of something better. big cliche
Beyond this world,
More even (forgive me!) than god. the [even (forgive me)] isn't needed
Lucky me, I found the right kind of love. i like the irony of the last two line though i suspect irony isn't the right word
With the wrong person.