09-24-2013, 01:27 PM
I can defiantly feel what your trying to get across in this poem.
I really liked some of the rhymes, especially the third stanza. That stanza is probably my favorite though "hole in my soul" almost works for me it falls a bit short. The "burning pain" does paint a picture and gives a feeling, I wish there more moments like this. Also the rhymes could be bit more consistent, but that could just be something that bothers me exclusively.
I think it suffers from a few cliches, such as "hole in my soul", or "causing warmth through my heart," maybe even the title.
Thnx for posting (:
I really liked some of the rhymes, especially the third stanza. That stanza is probably my favorite though "hole in my soul" almost works for me it falls a bit short. The "burning pain" does paint a picture and gives a feeling, I wish there more moments like this. Also the rhymes could be bit more consistent, but that could just be something that bothers me exclusively.
I think it suffers from a few cliches, such as "hole in my soul", or "causing warmth through my heart," maybe even the title.
Thnx for posting (: