Maddening Fire

[billy]

hi tigr, no need to feel nervous i'm already impressed with your willingness to give feedback and join in the spirit of the site :J:
to the poem. i think it would improve with constant meter though it reads fairl well as far as it isn't jerky. you've done a decent job with the rhyme scheme and end rhymes.

after this stage comes divorce a good attempt

Edited:
Mundane words of love
You seem so proud of
Impale my needy core.

But I gobble them up is but needed?
From my beggar's cup
Like offerings to the poor. is like needed?

Lying cold, on my side,
With goose-pimpled hide,
I expect your frenzied embrace.

Yet it's tepid and weak,
Not the fever I seek,
To flush life in my dull, helpless face.

Dry, half-hearted lust
You implore me to trust
Masks the smirk of a bitter lie.

I crave maddening fire,
To stoke and admire,
Blood-red in a sapphire sky

Original post:
Mundane words of love
You seem so proud of
Impale my needy core.

But I gobble them up
From my beggar's cup
Like offerings to the poor.

Lying cold, on my side,
With goose-pimpled hide,
I expect your frenzied embrace.

Yet it's tepid and weak,
Not the fever I seek,
To flush life in my dull, helpless face.

This dry, half-hearted lust
You implore me to trust
Masks the smirk of a bitter lie.

I crave a maddening fire,
To stoke and admire,
Blood-red in a sapphire sky.