09-20-2013, 03:46 AM
Hi there and welcome! I really enjoy the meter and rhyme in this, it's always good to read something with this level of control. I do lose it on "this dry, half-hearted lust" as I really have to rush that line to fit it in. The same with "I crave a maddening fire", which could probably be fixed just by taking out "a".
As to the subject matter -- well, I'd say we've all been there
. You write the death of passion by deceit quite well.
As to the subject matter -- well, I'd say we've all been there
. You write the death of passion by deceit quite well.
It could be worse