Hale

[Malu]

Admittedly, I find the words to be beautifully used and arranged, but I would echo the sentiment of unimaginative, as Volaticus said. That is to say, lines like, "With waterfalls of majesty," sound beautiful and eloquently glide off the tongue; they aren't exactly creative or bold lines. To be more succinct, I think they're trite. For instance, to elaborate more, "Growing up in a true paradise." What's paradise? The next line, what's blessing? "This is where my heart calls home," is another familiar, often-used connection ("home is where the heart is").

I think you have a beautiful and wondrous template to work off of (Hawaii of all places), if you just dig deeper. That's usually my mantra when conceiving a poem or other work of art, "How can I dig deeper?" Additionally, slow down time. In fact, pause time. Look around you, see what's there that others aren't seeing. That's how you pick up on imaginative details that pull your reader in, whereas "with waterfalls of majesty" takes you out because it's so Hallmark-like.

Best of luck!

Thanks for constructive feedback!