09-13-2013, 03:00 AM
Hi Lineman,
although his words seem a little harsh, i have to mostly agree with rowens comments. There is nothing new in your poem and almost every stanza has many cliches and near cliches that makes the read very predictable.
Try to find something to show rather than flat statements to tell. The title has plenty of associations to link into images, as rowens said there is something that is well worth expressing within your words, so if you have the stomach for an edit I would encourage you to give it a go.
All the best AJ.
although his words seem a little harsh, i have to mostly agree with rowens comments. There is nothing new in your poem and almost every stanza has many cliches and near cliches that makes the read very predictable.
Try to find something to show rather than flat statements to tell. The title has plenty of associations to link into images, as rowens said there is something that is well worth expressing within your words, so if you have the stomach for an edit I would encourage you to give it a go.
All the best AJ.