09-12-2013, 01:33 PM
(09-12-2013, 07:36 AM)Malu Wrote: Uh....The first five lines come off abstract, they do not seem to work together well. It starts off rapidly without setting things together
Lines snapping
Deserted evening dates
Mosquitos buzzing around
Hanging shame curtains
Obelisks crumbles
Midnight strikes
I've done all that I could
For what?
I didn't succeed
It's over
They say better luck next time
Or next year
Or sometimes never
But it can't be one of those times
A baby turtle dropped by a seagull
Continues to live
And survive
Growing
Flourishing
Learning
well enough to draw in attention. I would start by reworking the
first five lines of this piece so they function better.
I once told this blond chick to screw in a light bulb..
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"