My Dear

[cidermaid]

Hi Loriann,
Before I offer any comment if you return to the poem you offered a crit on you will see the next post says need to offer more for feedback. This was aimed at you. It is good to see you joining in and posting already, but perhaps take a little time to read some of the existing threads and also try out the help sections at the top of each thread concerning "How to give crit" in each section.

Ok your poem.
I found that whilst it had a sweet simplicity and cleanness to the read with an easily discernable narrator voice, the poem lacked anything new to hold or interest me.
Also there are a lot of cliches and many near cliches, which generally it is best to avoid.

Set your mind free, Cliche
Listen to yourself, Cliche
and just be,
in time dear you will see. near cliche and a full cliche

The struggle, the pain,
it'll soon all fade away,
into time and space,
just a memory down the lane. a very tired cliche!

When you hand your head low, Did you mean hang here?
just know that I am near,
always by your side,
just look to the sky...
because you are beautiful my dear.

Perhaps the thoughts and spiritual voice that you have tried to capture here could be your base to write a more substantial poem. Try to give the reader some solid images to hang the poem around. Looking at your poem I think that maybe there is some play with the colours of the sky and clouds at different times of the day that could be used to good effect.
Just look to the sky...show (not tell) me what you see.
Hope these comments are of some help. AJ.