Hale

[milo]

I mean it just seems the same old stuff that anybody could jot down in a few seconds.

Well I did only spend a few minutes on it, there is a little bit more to it than you think, but I just didn't do that awesome of a job getting my feelings across to the reader. But by you just saying the rest doesn't offer much, doesn't offer me anything. I understand critique, and when people give their ideas and opinions on how to strengthen a poem, but what you gave was positive for the one line you liked and then negative for the rest. I understand if you feel like nothing is there for the rest of the poem, but I would hope that instead of just saying there isn't much, you could try to help build my poem and suggest I need better vocabulary or wording or in this case anything. That would actually be helpful.

part of the problem may be the time spent. The chances of writing a good poem in a few minutes is slightly less than winning the lottery with your first ticket.

You end up writing more tired worn out phrases, like you have here.