Hale

[billy]

the poem is very generic. is Spirt a word? the images where use are stale and a lot of the poem are givens. some of the Hawaiian words place the poem but not to a specific island.

Paradise words like this need be shown, not spoken. in this instance it could be removed and the poem would lose nothing.
Where the tropical sun shines
Isolated by the ocean, isolated would be enough, let's not forget that oceans also connect instead of by the ocean, use a simile or metaphor; isolated pearls or something connect with the islands
With waterfalls of majesty
That dance down foliage covered mountains
And cold ponds of surrender

This is where I am complete
I am myself
As the Aloha Spirt fills the air
With every breathe I take
I will never forget
Growing up in a true Paradise
Is a Blessing unlike any other

This is my 'Ohana
Where my 'Aumakua lived
This is my Inoa
Who I am

And it's where My Heart calls Home