09-08-2013, 01:34 AM
(09-07-2013, 08:44 AM)Spikerider Wrote:Thanks! I'm glad you liked the theme of words(09-07-2013, 05:58 AM)Malu Wrote: Whyi love the theme of the words. I will point out its a tic not a bug(tick)
Why must we wait
Not a day goes by
Without some sort of waiting
For the bus
For work to be over
For dinner
For everything
So why is this so prevalent
Because time will always carry on
And soon, we will all wish we could wait
Wait for the sand in the hourglass to slow down
But it will continue to pour
As life ticks away
Grain by grain
We learn that time is the one thing we will never get back
(09-07-2013, 01:00 PM)btrudo Wrote:At first I was thinking to myself, this is my poetry seeing how I wrote it, haha but then it took a second to absorb what you meant. Thanks for the feedback, I'm going to do my best to make sure my poetry is my poetry and distinguishable from others with my own individuality. Thanks again for the help!(09-07-2013, 08:44 AM)Spikerider Wrote:Actually look it up, the clock goes tick, tic is muscle spasm(09-07-2013, 05:58 AM)Malu Wrote: Whyi love the theme of the words. I will point out its a tic not a bug(tick)
Why must we wait
Not a day goes by
Without some sort of waiting
For the bus
For work to be over
For dinner
For everything
So why is this so prevalent
Because time will always carry on
And soon, we will all wish we could wait
Wait for the sand in the hourglass to slow down
But it will continue to pour
As life ticks away
Grain by grain
We learn that time is the one thing we will never get back
Malu,
Interesting trying to make the argument that there is a lot of waiting going on when modern life tends to be hyperspeed compared to the past. Though just telling me this doesn't exactly illuminate anything, though you could make a compelling read if you explored it further.
Drop the poetry for a moment and tell me what does this poem really want to say.
After that ask yourself how can you say this in YOUR poetry.
a thought or two,
Bill