Twisted into Regret

[milo]

Still tinkering around with what I think could work, I let the topic co e to me this time. I'd appreciate some critique

how about you start giving feedback to others and you will learn why this does not work and certainly doesn't belong in the serious critique section.

/mod

I have given critique, first thing I did when I signed up here was critique a poem.

the requirements are to post at least 1 critique for each poem posted, but that is just the minimum for preventing leachers. You are stunting your own growth by not participating properly which is why you are still posting crap like this in serious and can't tell the difference.

My suggestion to you:

Go through the feedback you have received and count how many comments you got. One by one, go through the poems on the boards and do the following:

1. Read through a poem around 10 times before rushing to hit the "reply" button.
2. On the first pass, try to enjoy the reading. Note lines, expression, word choices, etc. that you like.
3. On the second and third reads, try to pick out things that detract from your enjoyment (awkwardness, poor scansion, line breaks etc) weird grammar or syntax, poor spelling, cliches.
4. On your fourth and fifth reads, try to analyze why the writer picked /specific/ words. Are there double meaning? Symbolism? If the writer picked orchids at a funeral instead of irises, why?
5. Use google. There may be some words or concepts you are not familiar with.
6. What is the central metaphor? Does the word choice the author used complement it? Does it contrast it?
7. See #6 and consider if the writer was trying to use thesis/antithesis, perhaps for allegorical or satirical intent. (note - all Shakespearean sonnets should use thesis/antithesis in the final couplet>
8. Read once more to enjoy the poem. Feel the rhythm, say the words out loud.
9. Make a recording of the poem and listen back to it. Note areas that give you problems in the reading.

Repeat this until you have offered as much as you have taken. By the time you are finished, you will know why this poem doesn't belong in serious, but if you don't, I promise I will go through line by line (a process taht will take me more than an hour) and explain exactly what is wrong with this poem you posted.

milo

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how about you start giving feedback to others and you will learn why this does not work and certainly doesn't belong in the serious critique section.

/mod

I have given critique, first thing I did when I signed up here was critique a poem.

the requirements are to post at least 1 critique for each poem posted, but that is just the minimum for preventing leachers. You are stunting your own growth by not participating properly which is why you are still posting crap like this in serious and can't tell the difference. You have posted 4 poems.

My suggestion to you:

Go through the feedback you have received and count how many comments you got. One by one, go through the poems on the boards and do the following:

1. Read through a poem around 10 times before rushing to hit the "reply" button.
2. On the first pass, try to enjoy the reading. Note lines, expression, word choices, etc. that you like.
3. On the second and third reads, try to pick out things that detract from your enjoyment (awkwardness, poor scansion, line breaks etc) weird grammar or syntax, poor spelling, cliches.
4. On your fourth and fifth reads, try to analyze why the writer picked /specific/ words. Are there double meaning? Symbolism? If the writer picked orchids at a funeral instead of irises, why?
5. Use google. There may be some words or concepts you are not familiar with.
6. What is the central metaphor? Does the word choice the author used complement it? Does it contrast it?
7. See #6 and consider if the writer was trying to use thesis/antithesis, perhaps for allegorical or satirical intent. (note - all Shakespearean sonnets should use thesis/antithesis in the final couplet>
8. Read once more to enjoy the poem. Feel the rhythm, say the words out loud.
9. Make a recording of the poem and listen back to it. Note areas that give you problems in the reading.

Repeat this until you have offered as much as you have taken. By the time you are finished, you will know why this poem doesn't belong in serious, but if you don't, I promise I will go through line by line (a process taht will take me more than an hour) and explain exactly what is wrong with this poem you posted.

milo