The End of The World

[billy]

hi billy, i'll move this to novice where it's a bit less daunting.

the first thing i noticed wasn't the poem, it was the line spacing, unless something is needed, don't use it. the first thing you want people to do is read the first line of your poem.

the poem starts off as though it's going to be structured but starts falling into prose after a few lines. try and create some images that relate to the end of the world.

thanks for the read.

Hi everyone, I'm a first time poster, and wasn't sure where I should post. I'm a very inexperienced poetry writer (this is my second poem), so I apologise if its quality isn't up to par. The poem was inspired by an incredibly vivid dream I had the other night.

We hijacked an empty train to Leicester

But they're all dead there a suggestion would be [they were all dead there] though an image would work better

We walked through the market square try and give it some depth...a suggestion; [we prowled the market square]

Taking clothes and sunglasses from stiff fingers [b]stealing, is stronger than taking, unless you want it to be softer, as it reads the stiff fingers wear clothes. a suggestion would be Taking clothes; lifting sunglasses from stiff fingers [/b]

I got into a fist fight with an old friend what does this line have to do with the end of the world?

And we left together as friends

And we boarded the train

And found a dark haven all the ands don't work well

Where a cracked old laptop with a CCTV

Plays footage of insane police roaming

Machine-gunning hundreds

And I know there's no law here; I know it's the end

Because my friend

Died in flames

When we crossed the river Thames

And this is the way the whole of the world ends