Varieties of Indecision

[ChristopherSea]

There are some great lines and ideas in this poem that I like. I see your device herein as a political/existential monolog. With this style of piece, you have to watch the tendency towards diatribe for the reader. Perhaps you can reduce some repetition and then try to link the three stanzas with tansitional lines rather than the numbering. In the first stanza, the combination of commas and 'if's 'or's & 'and's was a bit much, similarly in the final stanza, there were too many commas and listing. 'Passing over the land of men like clouds in the storm' is a great line, image and metaphor. The F-word has never worked in a poem for me, they are never effective at showing anger, angst, frustration, whatever. They don't add street cred, just distraction in my humble opinion. This poetry is too smart for it and therefore it sticks out like a sore thumb for me. It actually weakened the good line, 'The boisterous crowd of me', to the point that I actually breezed over it. The close is potent, poignant and clever, but the sentence structure may need adjusting. Maybe just a full stop with a question mark (see what you think):

What happens, moving forward and then retreating,
in the cowardice of all these years? It could be called erosion
from erosionem, "a gnawing away." God created us,
for what? Not to love. To eat us, to chew us.

There's some real intelligence here and some brevity in the next editing may help the poem. Thanks for sharing your work!/Chris