Varieties of Indecision

[tectak]

Varieties of Indecision
Hi dav,
I was tempted to go with an overview of this as it seems like a confident piece. As is my habit, I read it out loud. Things came to mind.
Best
tectak
1.
I have bargained for a mundane life of basic happiness and struggle.
I was given the option of living like a madman or god,
But because I did not make a decision, the decision, wisely, retreated, You seriously over punctuate. This, combined with the retro capitalising of every line, makes for lumpy prose...and that is what this is. More wordy than worthy start and getting unstable very quickly. See next line.
Wanting only the unwavering, demanding extraordinary sacrifice, This is just too verbose. After this many commas the sense fails. Too much abstraction. Wanting only the unwavering? "Demanding extraordinary sacrifice" is thankfully an understood cliche...that helps.
Passing over the land of men like clouds in the storm, "land of men" you will say, is clear enough...but then you shoot an elephant in your pyjamas. The obscurity is compounded by that indefinite "its", last line. What is "it"? You have not said. You THINK you have, but drowning in your own alphabet soup you are not unsurprisingly preoccupied...as a result, the last line becomes just more words. Disconnected.
Rarely, if ever, finding its conclusion with brilliant violence.

2.
Fuck! The boisterous crowd of me, Oh, please! I like a good fuck as well as the next man but this is far too Tourette. Getta' betta' word. Fuck is becoming a "look at me" line start. You are better than this...god or madman.
once committee and once republic,
in the aftermath of a single decision
now riots in the public square. I like the progression in this stanza very much indeed. It is promising a tumult to come. We shall see
Someone cries within me:
"Give me the power of a single human being!" Yes!
Then, at last, my word would be
like a palm pressing against a torch, semi colon would be nice here
my will would be a signature
among many others in the contract of time. I do not fully understand the conjecture in this. It reads better than it communicates...like that last comment. Do YOU see what I mean?

3.
After my stern declaration I have returned to old ways.
My commitment it seems had been merely political. Comma feast and famine makes you appear random "...commitment, it seems, had..."
How wise it was to promise that things would change!
How ingenious a preservation tactic: to simulate death!
Nothing changes, nothing improves, nothing progresses. "Nothing changes" is a trump. After that, the cards are throw-aways. Finesse the trump.
Everything adapts, hides, schemes, conceals, fools.
What happens, moving forward and then retreating,
In the cowardice of all these years, could be called erosion. This line is good enough...why spoil it with the pretentious next.?
From erosionem, "a gnawing away." God created us,
For what? Not to love. To eat us, to chew us.

The end is marred by the reference. What is it there for? Shome mishtake, shurely?
Best,
tectak