Falling
#11
(08-19-2013, 08:13 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  Hi Keith,

This is coming along nicely, the second edit is pretty smooth. The only thing I'm having trouble with is the the couplet, because the consonance isn't there. But I pronounce it "agehn". Consonance are usually usually stronger than assonance when using near/ half rhymes.

I'm sure you probably pronounce the hard A and it most likely rhymes fine for you. Just my thoughts.

One other thought, if you could find a way to shift "rain"out to the end of the line, you would have a much stronger line break on a noun, and the rhyme would work better too, because of the "r" sound.
again, the window tastes the tap of rain - ?
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Messages In This Thread
Falling - by Keith - 08-11-2013, 12:19 AM
RE: Falling - by ChristopherSea - 08-11-2013, 05:24 AM
RE: Falling - by Keith - 08-11-2013, 06:48 PM
RE: Falling - by billy - 08-11-2013, 08:51 AM
RE: Falling - by tectak - 08-12-2013, 10:57 PM
RE: Falling - by Keith - 08-13-2013, 07:38 AM
RE: Falling - by ray - 08-13-2013, 12:39 AM
RE: Falling - by tectak - 08-14-2013, 01:50 AM
RE: Falling - by Keith - 08-16-2013, 08:33 AM
RE: Falling - by trueenigma - 08-19-2013, 08:13 AM
RE: Falling - by milo - 08-19-2013, 08:59 AM
RE: Falling - by Keith - 08-19-2013, 09:15 AM
RE: Falling - by trueenigma - 08-19-2013, 09:38 AM
RE: Falling - by Keith - 08-19-2013, 02:41 PM



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