08-19-2013, 08:59 AM
(08-19-2013, 08:13 AM)trueenigma Wrote: Hi Keith,again, the window tastes the tap of rain - ?
This is coming along nicely, the second edit is pretty smooth. The only thing I'm having trouble with is the the couplet, because the consonance isn't there. But I pronounce it "agehn". Consonance are usually usually stronger than assonance when using near/ half rhymes.
I'm sure you probably pronounce the hard A and it most likely rhymes fine for you. Just my thoughts.
One other thought, if you could find a way to shift "rain"out to the end of the line, you would have a much stronger line break on a noun, and the rhyme would work better too, because of the "r" sound.

