08-19-2013, 08:13 AM
Hi Keith,
This is coming along nicely, the second edit is pretty smooth. The only thing I'm having trouble with is the the couplet, because the consonance isn't there. But I pronounce it "agehn". Consonance are usually usually stronger than assonance when using near/ half rhymes.
I'm sure you probably pronounce the hard A and it most likely rhymes fine for you. Just my thoughts.
One other thought, if you could find a way to shift "rain"out to the end of the line, you would have a much stronger line break on a noun, and the rhyme would work better too, because of the "r" sound.
This is coming along nicely, the second edit is pretty smooth. The only thing I'm having trouble with is the the couplet, because the consonance isn't there. But I pronounce it "agehn". Consonance are usually usually stronger than assonance when using near/ half rhymes.
I'm sure you probably pronounce the hard A and it most likely rhymes fine for you. Just my thoughts.
One other thought, if you could find a way to shift "rain"out to the end of the line, you would have a much stronger line break on a noun, and the rhyme would work better too, because of the "r" sound.