08-13-2013, 12:39 AM
First 6 lines are fine, lines 3 and 4 I like a lot. You don't need "the" before flowers. After that I feel determination to rhyme and be metrical undermine all.
You have at the start of every other line the pastels/ the moment/ the paving stones/ the sweetest rain. I guess this is the kind of thing that's likely to occur when you're looking too much in the other direction.
You have at the start of every other line the pastels/ the moment/ the paving stones/ the sweetest rain. I guess this is the kind of thing that's likely to occur when you're looking too much in the other direction.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.