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No Longer Twelve
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08-13-2013, 12:26 AM
There's 20 lines but you don't seem to have enlarged all that much upon the first 4. I think you need to make the poem more interesting, breathe a bit of life into one or both characters. It's not enough just to say that you're pissed off with someone.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.
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| Messages In This Thread |
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No Longer Twelve - by TheWall0912 - 08-12-2013, 11:38 PM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by ray - 08-13-2013, 12:26 AM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by TheWall0912 - 08-14-2013, 08:13 PM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by Volaticus - 08-14-2013, 11:34 AM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by R.C. KITCHENS - 08-14-2013, 12:04 PM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by ChristopherSea - 08-15-2013, 03:56 AM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by TheWall0912 - 08-15-2013, 04:19 AM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by ChristopherSea - 08-15-2013, 04:40 AM
RE: No Longer Twelve - by davinox - 08-23-2013, 12:32 AM
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