08-12-2013, 06:15 PM
I really liked the simplicity of this.
As for it not having a point, I think that depends on what the reader gets out of it. Personally, I was able to relate rather well, specifically to the feeling of seeing a persons light fade.
"I never expected anything
but I had a ray of hope,
that curled around emotions
like a pale pink silken rope"
Really liked the imagery produced from these lines, but I feel the next 4 lines in that stanza fall weak, I think the rhyme seems lazy.
As for feeling like you cant take critique, please remember that these are just opinions, not the be-all-and-end-all. Don't lose sight of why you wrote this, keep a grip on the feelings that fed it, no one can take that away, or will ever understand it in the same way as you.
As for it not having a point, I think that depends on what the reader gets out of it. Personally, I was able to relate rather well, specifically to the feeling of seeing a persons light fade.
"I never expected anything
but I had a ray of hope,
that curled around emotions
like a pale pink silken rope"
Really liked the imagery produced from these lines, but I feel the next 4 lines in that stanza fall weak, I think the rhyme seems lazy.
As for feeling like you cant take critique, please remember that these are just opinions, not the be-all-and-end-all. Don't lose sight of why you wrote this, keep a grip on the feelings that fed it, no one can take that away, or will ever understand it in the same way as you.