dogged

[TheWall0912]

Hello,

This is a fine start to a poem, the theme is consistent. The one thing I would look over (if you're interested in editing) would be the meter. It changes throughout the poem. If you wanted a little better flow you should keep the meter consistent. Excellent rhyming though, no complaints there. I could also argue that there isn't really a "point" to this piece. It's nice and heartfelt and but there's no "bang" at the end. Not all poems need this, and definitely not all of mine have it, but it might have more of an effect on the reader if you add one.

Just my opinions though, good read, thanks!

Thanks, I wish I had put a space at the bottom, talking of spaces, I might give putting some in between some of the lines a go, see if that helps, I'm a bit under educated in the land of 'meter' and things, I do remember once counting sylables on my hands for a poem.
I'm often unsure of my point and was never one for a big finish.

thanks again for commenting, it's given me something to do.

The way you broke it up is good! It's best to keep similar thoughts together, at least in my opinion. When I think of meter I generally think of counting syllables as well. For example, lines 4 through 8 of your poem:
I'm not sure how it happened,
but you slowly slipped away,
out of reach and out of touch I took out the "to" here to make each line have the same number of syllables, I didn't know why you had it in there anyway.
of the games we used to play.

But anyway, that's just one example. Hope I helped! If that's what you were looking for.