08-08-2013, 01:00 AM
Hello,
This is a fine start to a poem, the theme is consistent. The one thing I would look over (if you're interested in editing) would be the meter. It changes throughout the poem. If you wanted a little better flow you should keep the meter consistent. Excellent rhyming though, no complaints there. I could also argue that there isn't really a "point" to this piece. It's nice and heartfelt and but there's no "bang" at the end. Not all poems need this, and definitely not all of mine have it, but it might have more of an effect on the reader if you add one.
Just my opinions though, good read, thanks!
This is a fine start to a poem, the theme is consistent. The one thing I would look over (if you're interested in editing) would be the meter. It changes throughout the poem. If you wanted a little better flow you should keep the meter consistent. Excellent rhyming though, no complaints there. I could also argue that there isn't really a "point" to this piece. It's nice and heartfelt and but there's no "bang" at the end. Not all poems need this, and definitely not all of mine have it, but it might have more of an effect on the reader if you add one.
Just my opinions though, good read, thanks!