08-06-2013, 01:38 AM
Jd, good try! I feel as if your shift in tone occurs at S3. As far as meter goes I think your on the money. I like the change in tone because the narrator of the poem reveals his secret to conquering his epic run.
"I see my foe Lucifer, the dark lord, the prince
of hate and malice. He tries to take control of me.
He wants me to walk and make the work a waste,
a waste of time, what good is walking when
the wind in my hair feels so good, by the roadside."
You need a question mark at the end of this stanza. There is a few missing pieces of punctuation as well, for example a period at the end of your poem.
As far as your emotional effect the poem had on me, it reminding me of running by my fathers cabin and discovering my duel sided conscience. The poem made me think, is running right? i like walking more
.
"I see my foe Lucifer, the dark lord, the prince
of hate and malice. He tries to take control of me.
He wants me to walk and make the work a waste,
a waste of time, what good is walking when
the wind in my hair feels so good, by the roadside."
You need a question mark at the end of this stanza. There is a few missing pieces of punctuation as well, for example a period at the end of your poem.
As far as your emotional effect the poem had on me, it reminding me of running by my fathers cabin and discovering my duel sided conscience. The poem made me think, is running right? i like walking more
.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
--mark twain
Bunx