Scent of Plumeria

[billy]

Light pierced
my shuttered eyes
merging
hyperopic images
of laced curtain
dancing
with the breeze,
like the last moments of her
twirling
on a fabricated meadow
of sleep.

Her Plumeria aroma
lingered,
but the reek
of drooled pillow
insisted it was morning
and I was late for class.

I told teacher
that Morpheus was a girl
playing pranks
to keep boys like me
asleep.

She laughed.
I was only nine.

first off, it's always best to keep copy and paste the original JD.

the last seven lines read much better to me now.

the first stanza for me is just one big sentence.

this is what you have;

Light pierced
my shuttered eyes
merging
hyperopic images
of laced curtain
dancing
with the breeze,
like the last moments of her
twirling
on a fabricated meadow
of sleep.

not saying this is how it would read better, it's just an example.

Light pierced
my shuttered eyes.
hyperopic images
of laced curtain
danced with the breeze.
Twirling her last moments
on a fabricated
meadow of sleep.

not much of a change, nothing added. just a re arranging of what you already have. jmo. maybe you could do something similar. just remember the reader needs time to breathe when they read a sentence.. nice edit so far JD