Carousel Blues

[milo]

How do we build tension?

well, it's a short poem so you don't want to overdo it, maybe just a couple . .

I only remember summer nights this one is actually quite good
because that's when rain would pummel I would use this to create tension
my town - birth steam fogs out of manholes,
create lakes in neighbors' driveways so large-- I would most likely change 'so large' to something else
I couldn't help but stomp, splash,
kick road to the carnival.

the rest I like, but, like I said, most of these are just personal preferences.