LETS WRITE A POEM ABOUT,

[heslopian]

Monkeys, so you sucked me in with your cute
banana throw. Cute and amusing line, from "Monkeys" to "throw". Oh the woes of sure white snow.

"You, mean you're talking about snow monkeys?" she said Who is "she"?
with a glance from across the room.

"Um, no just monkeys," I said holding my breath like
a hoover vacuum. Nice simile. A hoover naturally hoovers when it's on, so holding its breath would be exceedingly difficult, which evokes a struggling for self-control in your narrator. Why do I have to explain.
A monkey is just a monkey and a refrain is just so.

There my mom goes down the hoover hall.
"Lets go! To the mall, then I shall call a friend." This line feels incredibly contrived. I assume that you're going for internal rhyme ("hall", "mall", "call") but any pleasing rhythm which that might create is nullified by the dialogue's sheer awkwardness. I'm aware that no-one speaks like this in real life, which pulls me out of the poem.
Mom mom said with a smirk on her lips. Is "mom" meant to be repeated here?

Stop smirking mom, I thought. Before I quit
this shopping spree. What shopping spree? So far as I know, neither character is at the mall yet. All I wish is a cup of tea.
And some jelly on the side. Ah, Immortal Jellyfish.

Immortal? Jellyphish, ah ha sounds band namey. Heart
pumps veins in my arm. Oh my gosh here we go. Time
to rock the jellyfish glow.

The poem is very surreal. I found it hard to critique a lot of it because I didn't know what it was trying to say, and I didn't want to keep repeating "what does this mean?" It is, however, somewhat charming in its batshit insanity. It's like something a precocious, intelligent child would write while trying to sort the thousands of thoughts streaming through his head. JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read