The Reasoning

[Wildcard]

"Because" what? Because of the word "because" the whole poem feels like an unresolved sentence clause.

Okay I see what you mean. I was hoping that the title would eventually work as a vehicle for posing the entire relationship as a question with several answers, but perhaps I just need to think of another way of doing it.

"Oppression" is a good word, well-placed at the end of this verse. It's surprising because it implies a large admittance of error by your narrator, who's previously seemed focused on attacking whoever "you" is.

Thanks.

The characterisation is complex and good, but the poem as a whole is weak and underwritten. It needs imagery, metaphors, similes, things which make a poem a poem as opposed to just dialogue spat by your character at his oppressed lover.

I will look for ways to add imagery. It is my weakest suit, I'd dare say. For some reason this seemed to me more the fly-on-the-way kind of poem . . . like an impression of words that would certainly never be uttered.

Can you think of a way to reinforce that this is an internal memo? A sort of convo with himself about her?

All my critique is, of course, JMHO. Thanks for the read

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Jack you've given me a lot to think about. As is my habit, I will revisit this (and the feedback) when time can be found and hopefully I can see the difference between the poem in my head and the one you are reading now.

Thanks <3