Old Midwest

[billy]

Our farm like pa, was young and strongI ve read others so most of this going to repeat on you like kippers. Comma after farm. Semi colon(?) or something after strong.
the bales were bucked by quaking back.I understand "to buck a bale" and I understand the "quaking" of a back under strain of lifting a weight. I've done it and seen it often. Leave as is.
He worked until his shadow long
had merged inside the dusky black
and golden grains lay sack by sack.This is a quite excellent sentence if read correctly...it is rubbish if not. Long as in extended time...yes? Maybe merged in to..Please say yes.
Old willy pulled the plough by day Capitalise your Willy, billy, then something after day otherwise you write "by day at night"
at night he ate, and then we'd play.Get ought'a town At night billy played with his willy....yes....but seriously?
His treat an apple, or a pear"His treat, bruised apple, sometimes pear"...or why SHOULD she throw it away?
that mom refused to throw away,Tough call but colon here for me. No chronological dependency exists, no objective link....just a whistful recall. "that mom refused to throw away...pause...wait for it...back then, when things were fine and fair.
back then, when things were fine and fair.

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i tried my hand at a dizain, i'm sure the last line is forced but i found myself stuck in a corner, not sure how to do the last line any other way.

Regarding your use of Willy, billy. ( Sorry. End of) Apart from Billy the Kid, Wild Bill ( actually, not a Bill at all, but a Butler) Hickock, and William Cody I cannot think of any Willys of the era sufficiently decrepit to name your horse after. The Americans like god botherin' and so just maybe the horse could be ol'gabreel or ol'nathan or ol'joshua or ol'...well, you get the idea. It's just that playing with willy after dark curls my spurs and rankles.
Overall, billy, another good effort. I am liking it.
Best,
sycophant tectak (it won't last)

thanks for the feedback tom, most of it makes sense, the rest is mullable it was probably my ego that name it willy

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Our farm like pa, was young and strong;
the bales were bucked by quaking back.
He worked until his shadow long
had merged inside the dusky black
and golden grains lay sack by sack.
Old willy pulled the plough by day;
at night he ate, and then we'd play-
his treat an apple, or a pear
that mom refused to throw away,
in days of old when life was fair.

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i tried my hand at a dizain, i'm sure the last line is forced but i found myself stuck in a corner, not sure how to do the last line any other way.

Hi billy. I like the form..it's musical. And this poem has the vibe and theme of a folk song (that is a compliment).

I like the poem overall, but I think it would help to tweak the punctuation a little. I have taken the liberty of doing so above (in bold font), and have also edited the last line as ideas for you to consider. Thank you.

thanks for the reading and the feedback foggle, will heed some of your suggestions when i do an edit.

for me your last line suggestion is cliche but it might help me wake up to a better end.