i think a tanka originally was just a short poem and in time became a game poem for two of more people as you state above. often it was used as a form of communication between friends or lovers.
the format like the haiku and senryu (57577)are an english idea, and it's common for them to be seen only as guidelines .
i think it's great how you cut it to it's bare bones and still retained the humour of the thing, i think the first line could be the first of the third line. but it does work well as is, i really enjoyed it. great job.
the format like the haiku and senryu (57577)are an english idea, and it's common for them to be seen only as guidelines .
i think it's great how you cut it to it's bare bones and still retained the humour of the thing, i think the first line could be the first of the third line. but it does work well as is, i really enjoyed it. great job.