07-16-2013, 05:57 PM
(07-16-2013, 05:54 PM)cidermaid Wrote: Agree with Billy spring cannot look into. Someone could perhaps look like spring (as in fresh and new).
You are too fast for me. If you look above you can see my
interpretation of why spring can actually look into you.
(Which I was busy writing and posted after you posted this.)
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(07-16-2013, 05:54 PM)cidermaid Wrote: which one of the above was the one you originally posted? (just interested to apply comments to right poem)
But I like the idea of your image which made me think of the following: The image of the eyes of love looking at an older person and seeing new and fresh beauty there.(sort of rearranged it in my mind I guess> Apologies for taking the liberty)
The look of you
spring looks in
old painting.
No liberty necessary, you can add as many as you'd like.
The original one was:
old painting
you looking into
the look of spring
But I DO like yours, especially the "spring looks in"; it definitely
has the intensity of image necessary for haiku.
I also added (after you posted this) a second one, of very
different meaning, that I like as well:
photograph of spring
you
looking into summer
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions