03-10-2010, 11:58 AM
Loved this one. 
Your lines were very dreamy, perfectly capturing the foggy sensations of waking up. And the drooled-on pillow is so perfectly boyish.
Would you maybe consider changing the title? It kind of spoils the last line, taking away a lot of the impact. The alternative is changing the last line, but I quite like it as it is.
Your lines were very dreamy, perfectly capturing the foggy sensations of waking up. And the drooled-on pillow is so perfectly boyish.Would you maybe consider changing the title? It kind of spoils the last line, taking away a lot of the impact. The alternative is changing the last line, but I quite like it as it is.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?