Couch Potato

[billy]

some of the references such as mordor from TLOTR are pleasingly funny
i read this and meant to come back with some feedback
lots to like and little to suggest in way of edits.

thanks for the read.

To be out of shape is to run circles. i felt this line needs more but i have no suggestions. it could be me but i can't make it work
When you jog miles after months as couch potato, i think [a] before couch would add more than not having it does.
breathing = wheezing,
and your body is a Syrian rebellion: solid image/metaphor
brain's full of furtive tweets hinting reconciliation,
lactic acid is a muscle culling chemical weapon,
feet and toenails threaten sectarian bloodshed.
Meanwhile, each hill is a climb to Mordor
that every passing car laconically scales...... good use of scales.

Please God, let me rest and breathe and sweat buckets
and twist my arms to my hips
and thrust my head to the sun lots of and's but they sort of help with the breathlessness that runs through the poem.
in a slow, Jagger-like strut
towards the cool, shady woods
where I can faceplant the dirt
and inhale it 'til I'm dizzy
and make there a home out of twigs and brush. it's crazy how you go from one extreme to another but it's also funny and i enjoy getting from the couch to the outdoor living