Play the violin again edit 2. leanne,serge.edit 1 milo,svan,rc,billy, serge et al

[tectak]

Edit 2

Play the violin again;
from hands that flit
let lightly slip
a sigh.
Fold forward into flesch
and scoop the ecstasy.
Sweep low and bow
to Symphony's allure. Thanks leanne.
Your tender notes will soothe the strings;
we rise, on softly wafting wings,
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring,
and there I hear the sky.


Edit 1
Play the violin again;
from hands that flit
let lightly slip
a sigh.
Fold forward into flesch
and scoop the ecstasy.
Sweep low to bow
to music’s tempting ways.
Your tender notes will soothe the strings;
we rise, on softly wafting wings,
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring,
and there I hear the sky.

Original:

Play the violin again;
let hands that flit so lightly
slip a sigh.
Fold forward into flesch
and scoop the ecstasy;
sweep low to bow
to music’s tempting ways.
Your tender notes will soothe the strings,
I rise on softly wafting wings
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring,
but there I hear the sky.

Tectak
1992

I like the edits. Edit 2 is a keeper in my opinion.

OK. Thanks everyone. That's a wrap!
Best,
tectak

---

I'd probably leave it alone now if I were you

It really is lovely.

Done. Thanks again.
Best,
tectak

---

Play the violin again;
let hands that flit so lightly
slip a sigh.
Fold forward into flesch
and scoop the ecstasy;
sweep low to bow
to music’s tempting ways.
Your tender notes will soothe the strings,
I rise on softly wafting wings
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring,
but there I hear the sky.

Tectak
1992

I see it was written in 1992, when every poem had a "sigh" and that was ok, when "thin air" could survive in poems that weren't parodies - Kurt Cobain was a rock hero for god's sake!!

"so lightly", "so thin" - meh

"to bow to music" is one to too many (being 2 but of course preceded by into)

"I rise on softly wafting wings"? this is Jeffrey Osbourne not pearl Jam!

I like your newer stuff better but you wouldn't want to read anything I wrote in '92, that much is certain!

I didn't use the Urban Dictionary for "wafting"! Pearl Jam indeed. They're modernists!
Best,
tectak