Watching Out edit 1 milo

[Brownlie]

Dress crushed upon the floor. Wine stained. Stained. -- Can you describe the wine in more detail what did the stain look like?
Shoes apart by a full bed length. One heel broken. Broken.
Door to bathroom trail of bottles, tubes, potions, pills. Some crushed.
Lipstick smeared greedily around bursting, baby lips. Baby.
Leg dangling, arm dangling, hair swept by awkward winds. Breathing.
Young breasts like uncared for kittens that will stay out all night. Lights out. -- You have some interesting images but the syntax seems awkward and unnatural
Asleep but still plugged in to mp3. Pink wired ears, buzzing. Asleep.
4 a.m. Home. Safe. Seventeen. Safe. --This feels paternal, maybe its not, but I like the paternal feel if it is.
tectak
2013

I like the ear buds when juxtaposed with the paternal concern for safety. If it is a poem about a daughter I'd like to hear more. Hopefully my imagination hasn't conjectured too much. Keep posting poems. :j: Your feedback is valued.