06-25-2013, 02:39 PM
(06-22-2013, 01:59 AM)serge gurkski Wrote: The alley of linden trees oozed out honey into the nocturnal air …It is more telling and along the lines of prose in the 2nd and 3rd stanza's. I liked how it went from that transition. It was a subtle transition. It didnt get wordy to me till the third stanza. "inner" in the third stanza could be dropped and it would still read fine. also "passing" is used twice in one line, dont know if another word could suit better. It is definately readable and with a direction. I like it.
May had been delayed till deep June.
Butterflies and bees pouted like wallflowers
whose lovers had not shown up at their rendez-vous
and some even grieved so much that they died.
A hedgehog scampered over the lawn,
the secret of his astonishing speed
safeguarded smirkingly by a conspirative night.
Next to this prickly fellow a man obviously
untrained in moving around on all fours
seemed to be looking for something
he had lost: sobriety, balance or money
or possibly all of these valuables at the same time.
I gave the compelling inner coherence
of my assumption based upon the human condition
a passing thought while passing this human by,
benevolently pretending nonchalant neglect of his misery,
before returning again to take care of my own.
...........................................................................................
A hedgehog, unlike the one whose brain and guts I saw spread over the asphalt last night (to my lesser delight), when still in good shape, looks like this sometimes:

